Self Acceptance: Noticing my ego take a ride
After I wrote about bringing attentiveness, clarity, generosity, strength and love to situations and interactions last week, I quickly got to experience falling short! Ah, to be human . . .
I go to the same coffee bar almost every day and have playful interaction with most of the baristas. A few days ago, I took it too far. I was in line behind an older gentleman who got confused several times while ordering his drink and cookie. At one point he even asked if he’d ordered a cookie that sat right in front of him. The barista patiently and kindly answered all his questions, and then exchanged a frustrated glance with me.
I then ordered my coffee and chatted with the barista about our weekends. While walking out the door, I asked him as a joke, my coffee in hand, “did I order a drink?”
As soon as I said it and saw him glance out to the patio, I felt bad. The man with the cookie was sitting on the patio, probably didn’t hear me, but what if he had?
I reflected on why I had made a joke at someone else’s expense. I like being a regular. I like having a personal relationships with the baristas. And, ick, I wanted to feel superior. To someone who was having a tough time in the moment. Ouch. Okay, no wonder I felt bad.
So, while driving home, I fully felt feeling bad. Then I offered compassion to all of us – the man, the barista and me. Then I forgave myself and let it go with a strong resolve to bring more attention to a situation before I react from my ego. Ah, the practice . . .
