Recently, I've had no patience for conversations about authentic marketing, authenticity in social media or authenticity as a value. This seemed strange to me since I deeply value living and working authentically.
So, I got curious about finding the disconnect.
And, I am thrilled to have been richly rewarded.
At the beginning of my recent mid-summer trip to Phoenix, I complained bitterly to all who would listen about the oppressive wall of heat. Then, I met one of my clients,
Doug Hecker, for lunch. He politely and firmly told me, "We don't talk about the heat. There's nothing we can do about it, so we ignore it and focus on what we like.”
Eureka!
And, how great to have clients who teach me so much!
Let me explain: The authenticity of my personality required me to complain about the heat because I am a person who hates heat.
The authenticity of my Self, the part of me who's made in the image and likeness of God, involves focusing on the good and a positive mental attitude.
My main purpose for going to Phoenix: to meet my coach,
Stephen McGhee’s, coach
Steve Hardison – one of the most remarkably authentic people I’ve ever met – more than worth all my heat discomfort. And, oh, the delicious chilled cilantro-lime crab dip at
The Herb Box and the yummy sweet potato and zucchini fries at
ZinBurger. And the amazing people I got to spend time with - including two married couples who have been married more than three decades and still adore each other and love spending time together! And, oh, the gorgeous desert views from my friend,
Judy Flynn’s rooftop – which I enjoyed each morning at sunrise when it was only a cool 90 degrees!
What a powerful spiritual awareness to realize that the most authentic me comes from my Higher Self, not my personality! How freeing to enjoy this stupendous view from Judy's rooftop deck in Scottsdale even though I think I feel too hot! Wow! Did I get a visceral experience of choosing my authenticity from a higher place! Who knew there even was such a thing?
I’d love to hear your experiences. In what specific situation might you have noticed yourself living authentically from your personality rather than your Higher Self? In that kind of situation in the future, how can you shift to living authentically from your Self?
"You must swing to lead. I was sitting at a baseball game last week and something became intuitively obvious. Sitting back and playing it safe is for sissies! I think that’s especially true in a tough economy. The more constricted a leader, the further constrained his/her business."
- Stephen McGhee
Most of us didn't receive the spiritual awareness or learning as we grew up that the joy and freedom of the game far outweighs the risk of losing or looking silly.
Playing it safe IS for sissies! Thank you, Stephen, for pointing out the intuitively obvious.
As my spiritual awareness increases, I've noticed for myself that as I have gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable - A LOT - then eventually I have become comfortable in what used to be uncomfortable. And then, there is the next level of discomfort to get comfortable in . . . Can you follow that?!
My swings only turn into home runs as I am willing to be vulnerable to possibly failing, looking stupid or feeling terrifyingly inadequate.
How is your own spiritual awareness growing? Where in your life do you feel scared to step up to the plate?
Creating a new business program? Letting go of a power struggle with a relative? Surrendering into unconditional love of your partner? Telling the truth about yourself when admitting a weakness?
I tend to jump in with both feet. I am actively engaged in all of the above right now! And, I have never felt more alive. Or more myself. Or more scared at times.
Let the next game begin . . .
During my personal spiritual retreat last week, I took a day to drive the three hours to Glenwood Springs to meet with my new coach, Jeff Patterson. We spent most of our time sitting on rocks at the confluence of the Roaring Fork and Colorado Rivers. Later that day, I spent several hours upstream on the Roaring Fork, taking in her gifts.
I did not consciously know it before sitting there on that beautiful summer day, but I had been starving for the river.
As a child and teenager, I spent a couple weeks of most of my summers playing on the banks of the Crystal, Roaring Fork and Frying Pan Rivers while my dad fished. I loved wading in the freezing cold water, building forts out of sticks and smashing rocks to smithereens.
The Crystal River near Redstone, Colorado
These Colorado rivers flow swift and powerful with clear water. My dad taught me to respect their pull and never under estimate how quickly I could be taken down river without my consent. When I first visited the east coast as a young adult, I was appalled by how lazy the rivers there seemed to me.
And, then I fell in love with the New Mexico desert and only occasionally noticed the Rio Grande River, even though I have spent hundreds of hours within a mile or two of her. I’ve devoted all my retreat time to the desert and have only ventured to the mountains to ski – again without paying attention to the rivers.
What nourishment had I craved from the river without even knowing?
As a very grounded Taurus, I love being on the land. Often slow to change, I can sometimes resist flow, preferring to plan. The steady roar of the Roaring Fork called me to embrace flow and change with a bit more trust. I could feel my body relax into the flow of the river, feeling the constancy of change – even feeling excited by it!
For the past few months, I have been in the middle of a tremendous personal and professional growth spurt. The mighty flow of the river offered me courage to more fully allow myself to grow and flourish, even as I often feel like a baby beginner . . .
Happy Spring!
What a delightful time to see ourselves anew. I am choosing to use this fresh, spring energy to release another layer of self-doubt and self-defeating habits and see myself through new eyes.
I am also practicing extending these new eyes to others. By consciously choosing the renewal that spring offers, I am – once again – letting go of old judgments and beginning anew. And, being human, I can sometimes "forget." When I notice myself judging or focusing on the less empowered aspects of myself or someone else, I simply use that noticing as my opportunity to call myself back to a fresh, new moment and a fresh, new choice!
As we see ourselves and others in brighter, more empowering light, we actively choose to live and love more from a God-consciousness, rather than from our own limited human consciousness.
Lovely . . .
What does spring elicit from you?
Feel free to post your spring rituals in the comments section . . .
I hired a new business coach in January, Stephen McGhee, because
I was beyond ready to make some major changes in my business and my life. And, I had gotten willing to do whatever it took to bring my life more into alignment with what I most deeply desired. I knew he was the guy to help me make that happen, and I have been thrilled to be bringing great things to fruition just a couple of months into our work together.
In fact, for a few days, I had been saying to anyone who would listen, "I am on fire! Things are going so great." I am no longer saying that after waking up one morning with my throat ablaze. On fire, really. Oops!
Then I completely lost my voice for a couple of days. Gave me some inner reflection time, which is when I made the connection between my fiery enthusiasm and my blazing throat. I also realized that I needed some time to integrate so many good things happening all at once!
My beautiful dance of life continues to amaze me when I'm willing to take full responsibility for creating everything in my life. I'd like to think that the next time I need a little integration time, I will plan a few quiet days in the New Mexico desert . . . It probably won't make as good a story, but it also won't be quite as painful or debilitating!
Isn't life cool?!? (Notice my balancing words!)
So what about you? What have you been creating in your life with the power of your words?
Our "stories" continue to fascinate me . . .
Feel free to post a segment of yours here on the blog . . .
The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism remind us that all suffering comes from resisting what is, having an attachment to needing something different. In Pema Chodron’s book, “Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears,” states, “We have absolutely no tolerance for uncertainty.”
Yet, life is constantly in flux. Nothing remains the same. Therefore, mighten we significantly lessen our suffering by increasing our tolerance for ebb and flow, unpredictable actions of others and whatever we consider problematic?
Ah, but easier said than done? Indeed. And worth every moment of practice.
My recent practice involves noticing my most minute and huge mood shifts and reactions to my interactions with others. The moment I feel even the slightest tension within me in response to a conversation with someone, I take a pause.
I then allow myself to become aware of what’s causing the tension: I didn’t like feeling ignored, I feel “less-than” as I listen to someone else’s success, I feel fear . . . . whatever energy, thought or feeling seems to be causing me even the slightest suffering. I then simply breathe and allow the energy, thought or feeling to be.
Instead of causing myself tension around feeling ignored, thinking I’m “less than” or feeling fear, I simply notice the energy, thoughts or feelings. When I can give myself a bit of time and breath around the tension, then the tension simply dissipates because I’ve made a conscious choice to allow and accept, rather than resist.
And then, I don’t spend the next hour, day or lifetime taking action from feeling ignored, “less than” or afraid AND the tension of not wanting to feel that way!
Care to join me in this life-affirming practice?
Feel free to post your comments . . .
Yesterday, to celebrate the Winter Solstice, I spent time in City Park hanging out near one of my favorite trees and watching (what seemed like) ten thousand geese. A couple of years ago, I “heard” that this particular tree’s name is Grace. which suits her so beautifully. She embodies natural, elegant grace.
As I pondered the gifts of the Solstice, I realized how completely and effortlessly Grace is Grace, the Light that is Grace. As is each of those geese the Light that is each of them. Goose number one: the Light that is Goose number one. Goose number two: the Light that is Goose number two. (I haven’t learned each of their names, yet!)
Without any strain, second-guessing or stress, every tree and every goose in the park is naturally and fully the Light that they are.
So, today, this day after the darkest day in the northern hemisphere, I offer you my deepest wish of this sacred season, given to me by the trees and the geese.
May you pause for a moment now to recognize and fully take in the completely unique Light that you are, a blessing to the world. No need to do anything, no need to be different than you are, no strain, no second-guessing, no stress. Simply breathing into the Light that is you.
“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing Light of your own Being.”
- Hafiz
After I wrote about bringing attentiveness, clarity, generosity, strength and love to situations and interactions last week, I quickly got to experience falling short! Ah, to be human . . .
I go to the same coffee bar almost every day and have playful interaction with most of the baristas. A few days ago, I took it too far. I was in line behind an older gentleman who got confused several times while ordering his drink and cookie. At one point he even asked if he’d ordered a cookie that sat right in front of him. The barista patiently and kindly answered all his questions, and then exchanged a frustrated glance with me.
I then ordered my coffee and chatted with the barista about our weekends. While walking out the door, I asked him as a joke, my coffee in hand, “did I order a drink?”
As soon as I said it and saw him glance out to the patio, I felt bad. The man with the cookie was sitting on the patio, probably didn’t hear me, but what if he had?
I reflected on why I had made a joke at someone else’s expense. I like being a regular. I like having a personal relationships with the baristas. And, ick, I wanted to feel superior. To someone who was having a tough time in the moment. Ouch. Okay, no wonder I felt bad.
So, while driving home, I fully felt feeling bad. Then I offered compassion to all of us – the man, the barista and me. Then I forgave myself and let it go with a strong resolve to bring more attention to a situation before I react from my ego. Ah, the practice . . .
Often, when I start working with a new coaching client, they are looking for “the way.” The way to get more clients, the way to feel more confident, the way to less overwhelm, the way to take better care of themselves or even the way to accept credit cards from their clients.
And, I remember when I hired one of my first and most expensive coaches, I hired her to learn the way, her way, to get new clients. I paid her many thousands of dollars and did not learn the way. I learned the hard and expensive way that asking to learn the way is not the best question – for anything from getting new clients to improving my yoga to cooking a delicious meal. The way is different for every person. My pricey coach’s way was not my way. My way is not your way.
An effective approach to finding your way involves:
- setting a clear intention: getting new clients, improving yoga or cooking a delicious meal
- noticing where my excitement and energy is as it pertains to that intention
- following that excitement, energy
- course-correcting as the excitement and energy shifts and I get new feedback
- Staying aware of the intention, the excitement and energy and the feedback until I have reached my intention
The trick to this far more effective approach involves not being swayed by thinking someone else has a better answer for you than you have for yourself. By following your intuition, instinct, knowing, excitement and energy in each moment, you will always have the very best way for you. If you try to follow someone else’s way, even a way that worked brilliantly for them, you have veered from your own unique compass.
Once we begin to recognize that following a formula is far less effective than being fully present in the moment, we begin to tap into the pure magic available to us in that moment.
I would love to hear your stories of following your way in the moment . . .
The more Joyce let go of trying to make her ex-husband do what she wanted him to do, the more peaceful she felt. And, as a surprising bonus, they could more easily agree on arrangements for their children that worked for both of them. Joyce saw clearly that she actually received more of what she wanted by letting go rather than threatening, manipulating and demanding.
I, too, have learned over and over again that trying to make my sisters, my neighbors or my business colleagues do things my way just doesn’t work. And, in the moment, it infuriates me that I do not get to be in charge! Often, when I have surrendered from exhaustion, I have felt amazed at how well things work out without my orchestrating every little detail to my exact specifications.
I feel an actual release in my body. Trying to control others or circumstances use a lot of my precious energy that I could instead be using to enjoy or create.
Letting go opens up delicious space in our lives. As we trust Universal Power to bring together people and circumstances, we become more available to the wonder of the present. Ah, one of the joys of self improvement . . .
I encourage you to try it in this very moment. What could you release into the Life Flow right now?
