Consciously choosing is one of my core values. So is loving kindness. Yet, in some situations, I’d like to respond to someone with loving kindness and I instead hear myself defending my ego or reacting from programmed conditioning. In these moments, I realize how automatically and ready are my ego and my conditioning.
To go beyond these ingrained habits, I use one or all of my “Choosing” tools:
- As often as I remember, I affirm, “not my will, rather Thy will.” This reminds me to choose from God/good consciousness.
- In tough situations, before I speak, I take a breath. This gives me a moment to actually choose a response rather than habitually and automatically reacting.
- If I do react, I apologize and ask for a re-do. This allows me to consciously respond even after I’ve reacted.
- I actively listen for inspiration and guidance. And, I follow it, even if I don’t fully and logically understand it. This accesses the inspired path, rather than the habitual one, because I already know where it leads!
- I remind myself to allow grace and miracles. This chooses for me far greater outcomes than I ever could have imagined.
If we don’t consciously use choosing tools, we react as we’ve always reacted and get what we’ve always gotten! Feel free to use my tools liberally and I would love to learn and try your tools, too . . .
After I wrote about bringing attentiveness, clarity, generosity, strength and love to situations and interactions last week, I quickly got to experience falling short! Ah, to be human . . .
I go to the same coffee bar almost every day and have playful interaction with most of the baristas. A few days ago, I took it too far. I was in line behind an older gentleman who got confused several times while ordering his drink and cookie. At one point he even asked if he’d ordered a cookie that sat right in front of him. The barista patiently and kindly answered all his questions, and then exchanged a frustrated glance with me.
I then ordered my coffee and chatted with the barista about our weekends. While walking out the door, I asked him as a joke, my coffee in hand, “did I order a drink?”
As soon as I said it and saw him glance out to the patio, I felt bad. The man with the cookie was sitting on the patio, probably didn’t hear me, but what if he had?
I reflected on why I had made a joke at someone else’s expense. I like being a regular. I like having a personal relationships with the baristas. And, ick, I wanted to feel superior. To someone who was having a tough time in the moment. Ouch. Okay, no wonder I felt bad.
So, while driving home, I fully felt feeling bad. Then I offered compassion to all of us – the man, the barista and me. Then I forgave myself and let it go with a strong resolve to bring more attention to a situation before I react from my ego. Ah, the practice . . .
The more Joyce let go of trying to make her ex-husband do what she wanted him to do, the more peaceful she felt. And, as a surprising bonus, they could more easily agree on arrangements for their children that worked for both of them. Joyce saw clearly that she actually received more of what she wanted by letting go rather than threatening, manipulating and demanding.
I, too, have learned over and over again that trying to make my sisters, my neighbors or my business colleagues do things my way just doesn’t work. And, in the moment, it infuriates me that I do not get to be in charge! Often, when I have surrendered from exhaustion, I have felt amazed at how well things work out without my orchestrating every little detail to my exact specifications.
I feel an actual release in my body. Trying to control others or circumstances use a lot of my precious energy that I could instead be using to enjoy or create.
Letting go opens up delicious space in our lives. As we trust Universal Power to bring together people and circumstances, we become more available to the wonder of the present. Ah, one of the joys of self improvement . . .
I encourage you to try it in this very moment. What could you release into the Life Flow right now?
For each of us, there is a life that is uniquely and simply ours. A life that comes from our specific soul: from our strengths, values and passions.
Yet, like a fish who doesn’t recognize how special and important water is for him, we humans often have blind spots about our own natural greatness.
Someone compliments you on how empathic you were with the clerk at the grocery and you don’t quite understand. Doesn’t everyone notice what’s going on with others? No, we sure don’t! Then you tell a friend how great it is that he always seems to know the most efficient way to organize a project and he doesn’t know what’s the big deal!
If you feel you are living anything less than the life that is totally, joyfully yours, take some time over the next few days to notice your specific strengths, values and passions. What do you love to do? What comes naturally to you?
Ask a few friends or colleagues what they notice you doing naturally or with enthusiasm. What do people often turn to you for? Advice? In what area? Help with fixing something? What? Getting something started? What?
Just by focusing on this for a few days, you will be living a life that is more fully, uniquely yours!
I’d love to hear what kinds of things you discover about yourself and your best life . . .
Every day for the past several days, I have been noticing anything I feel scared or anxious about and transforming it. Working with the simple yet powerful concept that I already have everything I need inside me, I notice what’s causing the fear or anxiety and then find a way to know it from the inside rather than expect it from the outside.
I’d love to share a bit of my process so that you can use this transformation tool, too.
For example, in my business, I got scared and anxious when I felt enough money wasn’t coming in. So, I asked myself: why do I want the money? What do I believe the money will give me? I want the money to pay my bills. I believe the money will give me security. Okay, how can I feel, how can I be security right now?
I don’t have to wait long for the intuitive answer to come to my conscious awareness. Spending a few minutes laying on the ground, under a tree, being with the sky though the leaves of that tree helps me instantly feel plugged into All That Is and I feel secure. Wow. Easy. Doable. Highly effective. Sure beats the alternative of panicking!
An example from my personal life: I felt sad and scared when it seemed that a friend was “abandoning” me in a moment in favor of another friend. Okay, why do I want my friend to “choose me?” What do I believe me being chosen will give me? I want to be chosen to demonstrate I’m valuable. When I’m chosen, I feel important. I feel I matter to that person. Okay, how can I feel valuable, important and that I matter right now?
A couple of answers come to mind. I have taken the time to put the focus on me and what’s going on with me. I am valuing myself, prioritizing myself and indicating to myself that I matter to me! And, I have many friends. If I would like to spend time with a friend, I can value that experience for me and reach out to another friend. Wow. I know I matter and I feel valuable and important.
My whole life becomes better in two ways when I transform these “yucky” feelings. First, I get to feel and be what I desire – secure and valuable, no matter what’s going on or what others around me do or don’t do. Secondly, I am now in the energy of “security” and “valuable,” so I naturally attract more experiences of security and valuable, including more money flowing in and more friends who treat me like I am important to them!
I am so jazzed about this transformation process right now, I am considering teaching a 3-week, 1-hour each week tele-class for $89.
I would love your input.
What about this tele-class might interest you? If you took it, what would you most love to take away from it at the end of the 3 weeks?
Please take a moment to comment and give me the thoughts off the top of your head. Thanks in advance!
I just got back from the Career Management Alliance annual conference in San Antonio where I gave a presentation: Strong You, Strong Biz: YOU Are Your Most Powerful Business Attractor. I feel humbled and grateful.
Back in the fall when I agreed to this engagement, I felt excited. Excited to connect with my people – other self-employed coaches, in their cases, specifically career coaches. Excited to embark on a new adventure with my new business partner at the time – she would man the expo booth and I would give the talk and we’d both have a great time doing it.
Fast forward a few months to the day when I learn that the majority of the conference attendees aren’t self-employed and are in fact in the military helping military folks transition to civilian life and jobs. And to the day when my new business partner can suddenly no longer be my business partner for several personal reasons.
Then I start dreading the conference. What do I know to help these military folks? How am I suppose to do it all myself? The conference organizer reassures me that plenty self-employed coaches will come to my talk. I don’t have to re-structure it for the military. My sister offers me some tips on giving my talk and man-ing the booth myself.
Yet, I still have a bad attitude.
Just a few days before the conference, I wake up and realize, just like I wrote on a plaque I gave my grandma when I was 15, that “we are what we make ourselves.” In good coach-like style, I remake myself.
I embody my talk. I can feel in my bones how good it is. As I prepare all the expo materials, I feel grateful for the opportunity to serve in this way. I see the entire trip flowing smoothly, from the moment the shuttle drives picks me up from my front porch to the time another one drops me back on my porch two and a half days later. I set an intention to have a good time, give all I am there to give and connect with wonderful people. I set an income goal for all the new business that will come from this event.
And guess what happened!
It went exactly like my intention, only one better. Many people from the military came to my talk, too. And they got huge value, slightly different value than the self-employed folks, but great value, just the same. Two military ladies even told me I was “under-selling” myself to just offer my services to self-employed professionals, because they saw how I can help them, too. So we are going to talk . . . I see that income goal being met and then some!
And, the shuttle driver on the way home even dropped me off at my house first!
Recently a client asked me, “what is the opposite of fear?” I used to think it was love. While I still believe that’s part of the answer, the meaty answer that gives us something to work with is: trust.
Let’s try it on.
If I fear my neighbor is going to make my life miserable, I’m not trusting myself to handle the situation. If I trust I can resolve an issue with him, let go of the issue or even move to a better place for me, then I have nothing to fear.
If I fear the Earth is getting too hot, and I hate heat and I have no where to go, then I don’t trust that God never gives me more than I can handle or my ability to keep myself cool or acclimate to heat.
If I fear I won't have enough clients next month or next year, I have the opportunity to trust my ability to attract clients, to reach out to new potential clients and to serve from my heart. I also need to trust that regardless of how many clients I have at any given moment, I am creative, resourceful and whole and I have an entire Universe on my side conspiring for my good!
If I fear my memory isn't good enough to keep track of all that's important, I'm not trusting the inherent messiness of life. I have the opportunity to trust I'll remember what I need or have a way to retrieve something when I need it.
If I fear I won't ever meet my beloved sweetheart / life partner, I have the opportunity to trust myself to first be in great relationship with myself and my friends and loved ones. Then, I have the opportunity to follow my intuition about inspired action as to when or where I might meet him. And, I get to trust the process and God in the process.
I realize that in every one of these situations, I have many "opportunities" to trust. Because of my life-long commitment to my own spiritual growth and spiritual coach training, I'm going to take on these opportunities as sacred callings. It's too easy to let opportunities slip by. Of course, my life becomes so much richer and more fulfilling the more I answer a sacred calling, yet sometimes it seems easier not to answer. Today, I commit/recommit to answering!
What about you? Where in your own life is trust the antidote to fear? I’d love to hear from you.
Driving home from yoga today, I realized that I am a much more patient, kind, compassionate driver on the drive home from yoga than on the drive to yoga.
Even though my yoga studio is a mile from my house, I almost always drive. And the past few weeks, I've tended to run late. I don't fully stop at the stop signs and I'm impatient at the lights. And annoyed with myself for running late.
Taking the same route home, I'm present and fully stopped at stop signs, allowing others at four-way stops to go first. I enjoy the time at the red lights and praise myself for giving myself the gift of yoga.
Having practiced yoga for only a few months, I have yet to be able to do a pose exactly how it's suppose to be done or for the full length of time. Quite humbling for a girl who likes to be great at everything! So, somewhere during each class, I let go of judgment, impatience and the need to be great. I surrender to whatever is. Even when it looks ugly and hurts - two of my least favorites!
And then I drive home in that surrendered bliss - how great is that?!?
