"You must swing to lead. I was sitting at a baseball game last week and something became intuitively obvious. Sitting back and playing it safe is for sissies! I think that’s especially true in a tough economy. The more constricted a leader, the further constrained his/her business."
- Stephen McGhee
Most of us didn't receive the spiritual awareness or learning as we grew up that the joy and freedom of the game far outweighs the risk of losing or looking silly.
Playing it safe IS for sissies! Thank you, Stephen, for pointing out the intuitively obvious.
As my spiritual awareness increases, I've noticed for myself that as I have gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable - A LOT - then eventually I have become comfortable in what used to be uncomfortable. And then, there is the next level of discomfort to get comfortable in . . . Can you follow that?!
My swings only turn into home runs as I am willing to be vulnerable to possibly failing, looking stupid or feeling terrifyingly inadequate.
How is your own spiritual awareness growing? Where in your life do you feel scared to step up to the plate?
Creating a new business program? Letting go of a power struggle with a relative? Surrendering into unconditional love of your partner? Telling the truth about yourself when admitting a weakness?
I tend to jump in with both feet. I am actively engaged in all of the above right now! And, I have never felt more alive. Or more myself. Or more scared at times.
Let the next game begin . . .
When you feel overwhelmed, with too many options, how do you choose? Try following your excitement. When you look at all of your choices, which one excites you the most? Which one makes you feel the most alive, the most energized?
Deep inside, you know what is best for you. One of the ways our intuition communicates with us involves the energy of our excitement. Pay attention to what things energize you and what things drain you. Notice when you are thriving and when you are wilting. Then, move toward what energizes you, causes you to thrive and away from what drains you, causes you to wilt. It really is that simple.
You naturally increase your self acceptance
as you make choices most true to you.
Now, at first it may not seem easy. You may feel concerned about hurting someone’s feelings or you may not want to renegotiate a commitment. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself before you take care of others. As you take better care of yourself, you’ll increase your capacity to spend time with others in meaningful ways, rather than out of obligation.
As you more consistently follow your excitement, you’ll have more energy, you’ll feel more peaceful and you’ll experience greater happiness because you have chosen to honor your true path.
Would you willingly risk not satisfying the perceived expectations of others to gain the deep contentment that comes from living life in the best way for you?
Recently, I had a conversation with a potential client who told me that she wanted to "just get rid of my laziness and procrastination." Shortly after that I heard myself telling my own coach that I was "sick of going back and forth in my romantic relationship." In exasperation, I exclaimed, "Can't I just get rid of HER?!?" As if SHE is not me.
Fortunately, I heard myself. And, I realized that as I quit trying to get rid of HER and actually take the time to listen to her, I not only learn something valuable about me, but I also quit fighting me. And, as I let go of the internal struggle, I create space to be a better me.
I'm just beginning to get it that as I serve as a sacred witness to all of me, then I naturally evoke more of the best of me! And, it tends to be so much easier to offer that unconditional compassion and acceptance to my clients rather than to myself. Luckily, I have this great job in which a big part of my job description involves walking my talk!
What about you? Which parts of yourself do you tend to wish you could get rid of? Would you be willing to practice more
self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-love?
Can you imagine what a different world we would live in if every person on the planet were willing to let go of their own internal war? That’s a world worth moving toward!
Recently I noticed that some of what I most deeply desire, I keep moving toward no matter what. And, in other areas of my life where I also truly would love something, I say I would love it, yet my behavior indicates I've given up.
In my business, I keep moving toward
greater ways to serve and offer more value. No matter what. I constantly invest my time, money and focus in growing myself and in growing my business. If
something works well, I leverage it. If something doesn't work well, I reassess, look for the learning and consciously choose the next leg of my journey.
When I wanted to lose 20 pounds, I started walking regularly and committed to eating less sugar. That didn't work for me. My perceived sugar deprivation backfired and I ate MORE sugar for
awhile. I also didn't lose any weight. I wasn't sure what to do next, but I was still committed. Shortly after that I felt inspired to begin practicing
Kundalini yoga. Eighteen months later I had lost 23 pounds because I had committed to finding the way that would work for me.
Shortly after I got divorced eight years ago, I realized I wanted to meet and marry my fourth and final husband - my soul mate and beloved life partner. Today, I still have that desire, yet I haven't invested my time, money or focus and I haven't done the inner and outer work to bring that desire into reality.
I now see that I hadn't made the commitment to do whatever it takes to meet my beloved because I hadn't believed it could happen. I had given up. I hadn't been willing to give up the short-term gratification relationships that work in a couple of areas for the long-term huge gain of the amazing romantic relationship I sometimes glimpse. In one of the most important aspects of my life, I'd settled for something being better than nothing.
It's been hard to admit I had given up. The good news about finally admitting it is that I now have the real opportunity to commit to what I desire with my beloved in the same way I did with my business and my weight. So, I am taking the first steps . . .
What about you? In what area of your life is the reality far from what you desire? When you take a deep breath and then tell yourself the truth, do you believe it's possible? No judgment here, just compassionate reflection.
We all have the opportunity to begin again in this very moment. In what area of your life have you given up? Would you be willing to
courageously begin again?
Feel free to post your own story in the Comments.
The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism remind us that all suffering comes from resisting what is, having an attachment to needing something different. In Pema Chodron’s book, “Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears,” states, “We have absolutely no tolerance for uncertainty.”
Yet, life is constantly in flux. Nothing remains the same. Therefore, mighten we significantly lessen our suffering by increasing our tolerance for ebb and flow, unpredictable actions of others and whatever we consider problematic?
Ah, but easier said than done? Indeed. And worth every moment of practice.
My recent practice involves noticing my most minute and huge mood shifts and reactions to my interactions with others. The moment I feel even the slightest tension within me in response to a conversation with someone, I take a pause.
I then allow myself to become aware of what’s causing the tension: I didn’t like feeling ignored, I feel “less-than” as I listen to someone else’s success, I feel fear . . . . whatever energy, thought or feeling seems to be causing me even the slightest suffering. I then simply breathe and allow the energy, thought or feeling to be.
Instead of causing myself tension around feeling ignored, thinking I’m “less than” or feeling fear, I simply notice the energy, thoughts or feelings. When I can give myself a bit of time and breath around the tension, then the tension simply dissipates because I’ve made a conscious choice to allow and accept, rather than resist.
And then, I don’t spend the next hour, day or lifetime taking action from feeling ignored, “less than” or afraid AND the tension of not wanting to feel that way!
Care to join me in this life-affirming practice?
Feel free to post your comments . . .
Yesterday, to celebrate the Winter Solstice, I spent time in City Park hanging out near one of my favorite trees and watching (what seemed like) ten thousand geese. A couple of years ago, I “heard” that this particular tree’s name is Grace. which suits her so beautifully. She embodies natural, elegant grace.
As I pondered the gifts of the Solstice, I realized how completely and effortlessly Grace is Grace, the Light that is Grace. As is each of those geese the Light that is each of them. Goose number one: the Light that is Goose number one. Goose number two: the Light that is Goose number two. (I haven’t learned each of their names, yet!)
Without any strain, second-guessing or stress, every tree and every goose in the park is naturally and fully the Light that they are.
So, today, this day after the darkest day in the northern hemisphere, I offer you my deepest wish of this sacred season, given to me by the trees and the geese.
May you pause for a moment now to recognize and fully take in the completely unique Light that you are, a blessing to the world. No need to do anything, no need to be different than you are, no strain, no second-guessing, no stress. Simply breathing into the Light that is you.
“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing Light of your own Being.”
- Hafiz
After I wrote about bringing attentiveness, clarity, generosity, strength and love to situations and interactions last week, I quickly got to experience falling short! Ah, to be human . . .
I go to the same coffee bar almost every day and have playful interaction with most of the baristas. A few days ago, I took it too far. I was in line behind an older gentleman who got confused several times while ordering his drink and cookie. At one point he even asked if he’d ordered a cookie that sat right in front of him. The barista patiently and kindly answered all his questions, and then exchanged a frustrated glance with me.
I then ordered my coffee and chatted with the barista about our weekends. While walking out the door, I asked him as a joke, my coffee in hand, “did I order a drink?”
As soon as I said it and saw him glance out to the patio, I felt bad. The man with the cookie was sitting on the patio, probably didn’t hear me, but what if he had?
I reflected on why I had made a joke at someone else’s expense. I like being a regular. I like having a personal relationships with the baristas. And, ick, I wanted to feel superior. To someone who was having a tough time in the moment. Ouch. Okay, no wonder I felt bad.
So, while driving home, I fully felt feeling bad. Then I offered compassion to all of us – the man, the barista and me. Then I forgave myself and let it go with a strong resolve to bring more attention to a situation before I react from my ego. Ah, the practice . . .
In the past week, I’ve had two people tell me about business opportunities that excited them. They wanted me to get involved because both of them involve network marketing. One involved a coaching product and another a health product. The products interested me. And, I’m looking for additional revenue streams that complement coaching to share with Thriving Coaches.
Yet the complexity and vagueness of the business model turned me off. If I don’t understand, how can I share it with anyone?
And, then I realized that I needed to just walk away.
One of my core values involves simplicity. Maybe others enjoy complexity. Those business opportunities would be best for them.
And how beautiful is that? No one has to be wrong. I gravitate to what is simple and clear. Someone else gravitates to what is complex and intricate.
I love having my core values guide me . . .
The more I grow personally and the more I support my coaching clients in their growth process, the more I notice that the most powerful thing we can do to creat our most fulfilling life: unabashedly love and accept ourselves. The more I live from my strengths, core values and quirky passions, the more I love my life and fill my own cup. And, then I have more to share with those who's lives I touch.
What a beautiful, clear compass to guide me . . .
Recently, I had a conversation that really stuck with me. We were exploring the paradox of fully accepting who we are, how we are and a desire to grow, change. If we constantly would like to grow, then isn’t there something “wrong” with us now?
I didn’t quite know how to answer that question at first.
As a business and life coach, I support my clients in both growing and changing and accepting what is – exactly as it is, exactly as they are. The more I contemplated and looked at my own growth path, I realized a wonderful distinction.
Each of us makes many, many choices in a day. If our overall intention involves choosing from the most compassionate, loving, kind, present, aware, _______ (you fill in the blank) place that we can choose from in that moment, then we continue to grow and to accept what is at the same time!
I see a continuum, where on the one end, we each have the ax murderer version of ourselves and on the other end we each have the Dalai Lama version of ourselves (or any other low energy/high energy pictures we care to conjure).
Now, someone cuts us off in traffic, ends a relationship with us or treats one of our children poorly. We respond. Do we choose to respond from a place on that continuum that is closer to the low energy or high energy end? Do we handle the situation from a version of ourselves closest to the ax murderer or to the Dalai Lama?
So, it’s perhaps becomes less about us changing into something completely different, but rather making choices from the best of us more of the time?
This is big! I’m still pondering. I would love your input and to hear your experiences.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about living your best life. Since then, I’ve been wrestling with several large challenges in my own life. Much of the time, not feeling that I’m living my best life!
In the middle of one of these challenges, my 20-year-old niece, Alisha, told me about a website,
FMyLife.com, where people write three-sentence stories about bad things that happened to them and other people rate whether they think the story is messed up or if the person deserved what they got.
As a person who makes my living helping people focus on the positive, I was, of course, appropriately appalled. At first anyway.
Until she had me laughing at some of the things she had read. And a light bulb went on for me. Life as a human is often messy. Sometimes I try to stay so positive and I can’t in that moment. Maybe I’ll write my story on that website and give others a good laugh. Ah, full self acceptance . . .
I still have a desire to focus on the positive and help others do the same. And, I realize that even labeling “positive” and “negative” keeps me from fully experiencing and allowing ALL of my delicious, juicy, messy, sometimes f’ed up life!
So there’s a new coaching perspective for you. I’d love your ideas on the subject . . .
