I've spent a fair amount of my life angry at or disappointed by other people. When I read in Greg Baer's book, "Real Love," that both anger and disappointment indicate a lack of real love – unconditional love – I got mad at him and put the book down, none too gently! Mad because I knew it was true. And, mad at myself because I live so far from unconditional love so much of the time.
Thank goodness I'm a pragmatist. One day it dawned on me that being mad at someone else and being mad at myself don't give me the life I desire.
Even when I don't love as fully as I would like, how does loving even less – being mad – help me love more, live more?
What if I quit blaming? What if I practice acceptance and compassion when I feel disappointed by others? What if I notice that feeling disappointed by others always indicates disappointment with myself? What if I then remind myself that I am devoted to a life of love, freedom, generosity, expression, acceptance, compassion and joy?
I am reminded of a line from "A Course in Miracles," "everything is love or a cry for love." What if, moment by moment, day by day, I use any anger or disappointment as a reminder to do what works? Choose love instead.
How about you? Care to join me?
Simple. Not always easy. With the pause of a deep breath, possible.
Post your own reflections, comments or spiritual
growth progress in the comments . . .
Steve Chandler writes extensively on the distinction between victim and owner. Recently, within a few days, I gave myself the opportunity to look in this mirror several times! I noticed myself behaving as a victim when I thought, "nothing can be done." I felt myself take ownership when I began to create a possible new way.
How often do we hear victim language:
"I can't because . . .
. . . of the economy."
. . . he/she wouldn't like it."
. . . I don't have the money."
. . . I'm not sure of my schedule."
Victim language and mindset is the norm. Most people live from the victim mindset without even realizing it.
Perhaps 5 to 10% of people consistently live from the Creator/Owner mindset. Which explains why far less often do we hear:
"I'd love to, you can count on me because . . .
. . . people need my services more than ever in this economy."
. . . I'm excited about this project and I'm committed
to making it happen."
. . . I will get resourceful and find/create the money."
. . . I will make the time. You can count on me."
The newest addition to our family, Jasmine, teaches me every day about being the creator of her life! My spiritual growth involves allowing her to choose the great outdoors most of the time - even when I notice she rarely looks both ways before crossing the street!
My life and business are getting better every day as I continue to expand my awareness around the times I'm still living from a victim mindset and I make the shift to Creator/Owner right in that moment. I recently realized that judging myself when I notice myself speaking or acting as a victim is a subtle way to stay in victim! When I am in Creator/Owner mindset, I am compassionate and accepting of what is, even as I am "upgrading" what is!
How would your life and business radically shift if you made a commitment to yourself right now to step fully, with both feet, into the shoes of the powerful Creator/Owner that you truly are?
After writing last week about how to live on 24 hours a day, I learned that the 43-year-old sister of one of my former clients had died unexpectedly.
What a poignant, bittersweet, neon-sign reminder to live each moment fully. I had never met her sister, but my client talked of her often. She had two sisters, I have three. We often shared about our activities and trips with our sisters.
Me and my sisters on one of our annual Sister's Ski Weekends - maybe 8 or 10 years ago. (Left to right: Jenny, Cathy, Julie, Ann.) 2010 was our 19th year. I had gotten out of the habit of taking pictures. My spiritual growth: I am now rededicating myself to capturing more beautiful present moments . . .
I can only imagine the depth of her grief. My heart goes our to her. And, I immediately called my own sisters to touch base and tell them how much I love them.
In the days since then, I have been so aware of the importance of our relationships. Our love for, caring about and connection to others defines the quality of our lives.
I have rededicated myself to my spiritual growth of being more fully present with the precious gift of whomever is right in front of me – one of my sisters, a client, my sweetheart, a friend, my barista, a stranger on the street corner, a new acquaintance at a meeting . . .
I have also rededicated myself to reaching out more. Loving more. Letting go of anger in a moment, rather than days later. Choosing to replace judgment with compassion.
Here’s to living each moment more fully present to the love that I am and taking the time to recognize the love in those around me . . .
The cost of growing a thriving coaching business is high.
It requires that you give up your need to:
- look good
- please others
- politely avoid the truth
- constantly be nice
And, it requires that you give up your natural inclination to spend too much time focused on yourself, concerned about:
- not looking perfect
- not being good enough
- not knowing how . . .
The cost of growing a thriving coaching business: consistently choosing real courage even when you:
- feel self-conscious
- think you aren't good enough
- fear you don't know what you're doing
The cost of growing a thriving coaching business: giving up the idea of unattainable perfection and replacing it with:
- walking your talk
- consistently doing your own inner work
- telling the truth to yourself and to your clients, even when it's uncomfortable
- hiring your own coach
If you haven't been consistently doing your own inner work, walking your talk or working your own coach, and yet you still know to the depth of your being that you are here to serve by coaching, then commit in this moment to doing what it takes to choose courage.
That choice and commitment makes you the kind of person that others would like to learn from, be supported by . . .
If you can't or won't walk your own talk, do your own inner work or hire your own coach right now, then be compassionate with yourself.
But don't lie to yourself.
Tell yourself the truth. Kindly and firmly. And, then choose to do something else right now.
The cost of being a thriving coach is high.
It involves real courage.
Every day.
Choosing and committing again and again . . .
What can you do in this very moment to choose and commit and then take action?
* * * *
If you'd like to do something with me:
One-on-One Coaching Opportunity
I will have an opening in September to begin coaching, mentoring, consulting one-on-one with a new client.
Small Group Immersion Coaching, Mentoring, Consulting
I am also starting to have conversations with a few coaches who would like to receive intensive coaching, mentoring, consulting with me for 9 months in a small group of 3 to 5 coaches.
Both of these opportunities require your commitment to courage. Daily.
Even though the cost is high, the fulfillment is beyond anything you can imagine right now. Truly.
I am here to teach you how to serve clients so fully and so deeply that you offer them a life-changing experience of themselves that they have never had before. Serving clients in this way naturally grows your coaching business.
I can tell you from my own personal experience that serving in this way is more than worth the high cost of courage.
If either of these opportunities call to you, let's talk. Call me on my direct line at 303.399.8737.
Here's to thriving - the willingness to be courageous, even when it's scary!
Lots of love to you!
Ann
P.S. Even if you're not sure you'd like to coach with me or join a small coaching group right now, if you feel called to explore Living more courageously, let's talk. Call me during my open office hour Fridays, 10 - 11 am MT . . .
Recently I noticed that some of what I most deeply desire, I keep moving toward no matter what. And, in other areas of my life where I also truly would love something, I say I would love it, yet my behavior indicates I've given up.
In my business, I keep moving toward
greater ways to serve and offer more value. No matter what. I constantly invest my time, money and focus in growing myself and in growing my business. If
something works well, I leverage it. If something doesn't work well, I reassess, look for the learning and consciously choose the next leg of my journey.
When I wanted to lose 20 pounds, I started walking regularly and committed to eating less sugar. That didn't work for me. My perceived sugar deprivation backfired and I ate MORE sugar for
awhile. I also didn't lose any weight. I wasn't sure what to do next, but I was still committed. Shortly after that I felt inspired to begin practicing
Kundalini yoga. Eighteen months later I had lost 23 pounds because I had committed to finding the way that would work for me.
Shortly after I got divorced eight years ago, I realized I wanted to meet and marry my fourth and final husband - my soul mate and beloved life partner. Today, I still have that desire, yet I haven't invested my time, money or focus and I haven't done the inner and outer work to bring that desire into reality.
I now see that I hadn't made the commitment to do whatever it takes to meet my beloved because I hadn't believed it could happen. I had given up. I hadn't been willing to give up the short-term gratification relationships that work in a couple of areas for the long-term huge gain of the amazing romantic relationship I sometimes glimpse. In one of the most important aspects of my life, I'd settled for something being better than nothing.
It's been hard to admit I had given up. The good news about finally admitting it is that I now have the real opportunity to commit to what I desire with my beloved in the same way I did with my business and my weight. So, I am taking the first steps . . .
What about you? In what area of your life is the reality far from what you desire? When you take a deep breath and then tell yourself the truth, do you believe it's possible? No judgment here, just compassionate reflection.
We all have the opportunity to begin again in this very moment. In what area of your life have you given up? Would you be willing to
courageously begin again?
Feel free to post your own story in the Comments.
